So it seems that in the past few years my life as become filled with people from Texas who have (nearly) all tried to convince me that the place is actually kinda cool. (Thank you JB for knowing an armpit when you see one!) This has really just solidified my hatred of Texas. I started writing this post in my head after spending three days with two UT grads that constantly talked about Texas. I love you but YOUR STATE SUCKS! Here are some of the reasons why:
1. George W. Bush
(really, the reasons should just stop here, but noooo there are so many more)
2. Big ass hair – In fact, until recently, they had a magazine for big hair: Texas Hair & Style
3. Jessica Simpson
4. A special method of swimming that walzeswithdogs taught at summer camp so that women look more elegant while getting across the pool. Unlike the rest of us heathens that splash about as if drowning.
5. Redneck republicans recklessly run rampant claiming they're right (I borrowed this one from one of the sights below)
These are just some off the top of my head. I don’t really need to go on because if you put “Texas Sucks” in google you come up with 39,600 hits. Here are some of my favorites.
Oh, wait, I almost forgot . . . reason #6: the fucking longhorns symbol that Texas give one another when they meet.
Texas Sucks, reason 612.
Ego Tripping
A lap dance short of a strip joint.
One nice thing I read about Texas . . .
“Now, by any objective measure, there really is nothing wrong with Austin as a place to live. Just about everyone who lives there thinks it's the greatest place on earth. [That in itself was irritating, but they are welcome to think whatever they want.]”
Footnote: Ok, I know that I too am a transplant from a well hated place, Los Angeles. Like JB, I know that where I come from sucks and therefore don’t mention it very often. If you put California Sucks into google you get 28,700 hits – though a high number are for a song by Screeching Weasels called California Sucks.
Another hilarious footnote: If you put Colorado Sucks into google you get 613 hits, mostly sports related. One of my favorites is on a Texas fan sight. There really is no accounting for taste.
P.S. If you can't read the t-shirt, it says "I'd rather go to hell than Texas".
Monday, May 22, 2006
49 States Agree . . . Texas Sucks
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9 comments:
ROTFLMAO! Good to have you back, DHP. Especially love the elegant swimming tip.
Only longhorns give the longhorn symbol, and only to someone wearing something longhornish, or is that longhorny. (heehee) So sorry I haven't spent any significant time in all the cool places that the rest of you talk about like New England, New York, or DC or LA, or Italy. I guess I will have to forget I had a life, married, bore two children, went to college and grad school prior to moving to Colorado when I am around DHP. In addition to W and the rednecks, there's also Molly Ivins and Ann Richards, and Jim Hightower, and a progressive community that works hard to keep progressive issues alive in the bible belt. There is far more interesting music food and art than I have seen in Colorado, though I am no expert, and in many communities an appreciation for and acceptance of Latino culture that you don't see quite as openly in Colorado. Lots of people can can swim the breast stroke, but it takes someone truly crazy to even think about doing it in an 8 count rhythm. Dancing to the beat of your own drummer, whatever it is, gotta respect that.
as someone who has lived in boulder county for 18 years and in austin for 21 (and I do visit each year), austin is funkier than boulder, and much less "nice". And yeah the weather sucks in Houston but being the largest city in the US without zoning makes for some interesting neighborhoods.
Here is a quote from one of the web sites about Texas that DHP linked to on her blog. "all i am saying is - don't be so judgemental - you might be missing out on good experiences and good people just by having preconceived notions." Ms Shoe Princess wanted me to add that Shiner Bock, the Butthole surfers (a good punk band) and King of the Hill all are cultural products from that very large and unhomogenous state.
I bet TX has elected officials supported by the KKK. Oh Wait, so does Colorado....
http://coloradopols.com/06/?p=1321
Welcome back, my friend. Welcome back!!
As a native of a craptasic midwestern town, HotPants01 can appreciate DHP's perspective on georgraphy and culture. As always, DHP....good call!
Folks can't change where they are from, have a lil courtesy not to keep going on bad mouthin' the roots of some of your home girls. Give it a rest.
I think you must be drunk or in a very strange frame of mind.
I know who the Butthole Surfers are, BTW.
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