Vent: Comcast

Comcast needs a freaking IT governance framework for support. In english, please? They need a standard troubleshooting process for problems.

We have had the same problem all week but every technicians has their own theory on the cause. The tech earlier this week was certain it was a splitter issue. The guy I have somehow managed to talk to multiple times on the phone is certain it is a bad modem yet the tech who came this afternoon to replace the modem, he decided it must be the wiring from the telephone pole and refused to replace the modem. I think the problem is that they aren't truly cross trained across TV, internet, and phone so folks just pick what they know to replace. (JB thinks each tech gets paid more for certain task and that is all they do.)

GRRRHHHHHH... So if I appear to hang up on you- it is not personal. It just means I am still in Comcast Tech Support hell.

Think with your BRAIN for a change!

Okay, men are evidently not only skeevy, but also IDIOTS. Please add to my presidential wish list "does not sleep around." If our misogynist society would elect a woman, we at least might not have to worry about this aspect as much.

While I'm on another harangue, the government, I am reminded $20 later, is also in collusion with television converter manufacturers. You see, only a certain number of the models are available, so once the lower-priced ones are gone, you'll just have to invest more money. I know I already complained about this, but I was reminded today during my purchasing event before my coupon made its untimely expiration.

One Less Hassle by TSA?

Will you be rushing right out to get a new laptop bag so you have one less 'chore' to do in the security line at the airport? I don't know, maybe TSA--oh even better, they have a BLOG!--could concentrate on something that benefits everyone, including the little old ladies in pumps who--like the rest of us--have to take their freakin' shoes off to walk on the filthy, germ-coated, bacteria-laden airport floor?!

Isn't this 'design contest' with select businesses kind of spoiling our established anti-trust laws? Or somewhat taste of government collusion with only major manufacturers??

Oh sure, the others will catch up, including my fav MP, but this screams of 'having money to make money' when the big guys get first shot and leave the rest to catch up to the market.

gay strip clubs and douche bags on bikes

First, please accept my apologies for being so bad about blogging this summer. It's not like I've been busy with work. It seems that my job this summer is to increase the stock of Grey Goose and single-handedly keep bars in Denver open.

Let me share with you some of my observances from my summer of debauchery.

Gay strip clubs are amazing. I highly recommend Boystown at 3rd and Broadway. Dammit those boys are hot-t and can do things on a pole that will make you sweat. And, yes they are clothed and are wearing fantastic shoes. Love it!

High gas prices have had a negative affect that I did not anticipate. Douche bags on bikes. I have a few tips for the assholes riding around my neighborhood. Get out of the middle of the street before I run you down. A helmet might be a good idea. You are a lot slower than the flow of traffic and you could at least fucking pedal to try and keep up. The gears that make it harder to pedal actually make you go faster. Now get out of my way while blow through my savings and pollute the environment. My gas taxes pay for these fucking roads and I'm going to drive on them.

I love Cuba Cuba. And the Cruise Room because of its heavy air conditioning, lack of windows, and strong drinks. Perfect for a hot summer night. I absolutely cannot stand Elways ... both the Cherry Creek and Downtown locations. Plastic surgery disasters seem to be their only clientele. However, the Ritz-Carlton hotel downtown is absolutely incredible and some day I want to make enough money to be able to stay there.

I went to the Queen Sooper on Monday and they were out of some very strange items. Organic milk, asparagus, and free-range chicken. This prompted me to wonder if this is how rationing starts. If I remember history correctly high prices and food shortages lead to rationing, right?

I've experienced a lot more this summer, but unfortunately Grey Goose has cost me some brain cells and I can't remember what I did yesterday let alone 2 months ago.

Men are Skeevy

I write to share with you my disappointment today and the unfortunate subconscious association, now, of the Tattered Cover with perverts.
Not to remind you how hot I am--we leave that to The Speaker, ;-)--but to remind you that Men are Not to Be Trusted.

First of all--to the congenial man who PASSED ME A NOTE:
LIFE IS NOT THE FOURTH GRADE!!!! I'm sorry I couldn't read your entire list of multiple choice items, but just because we shared a power strip doesn't mean I'm there to pick up men. Not that perhaps the TC isn't a great place to pick up people, just get a little wiser to the signals, eh??!

Secondly--to the older balding slob closely perusing all levels of the tote bag rack and evidently not wise to the ways of the SKORT: I'M WATCHING YOU, TOO, YOU GIANT F***ING PERV.
He's undoubtedly kin to one of the drivers of the 4-cars-in-2-hours that parked alongside the kid-packed Pool in the 'Hood the other day, too. Just passing their lunch hour in the shade, I'm sure.

Disgusting.

Fireworks are (EVIDENTLY) Perfectly LEGAL

I should book my July 4, 2009, holiday out of town right now while it's fresh in my mind. And has been since late last night.

You see, if you ever visited and thought Whittier was the pinnacle of fireworks display, come on over to Curtis Park, where your neighbors set off fireworks 'til 3 effin' AM. At least in Curtis Park, they are considerate enough to take their trash back home with them instead of littering the intersections for days to come.

Yep, that's right, not just any ol' activity, though; you haven't lived until you've gone outside in your nightgown at 1AM to ask if it isn't getting a little late to the guy (same one who's the owner of the Guy-Across-The-Street-Who-Yells-At-His-Kids mental image in my mind) setting off the display in front of your house--you know, it's so much better to view them from a distance, and you wouldn't want your own house in danger of catching fire, right?! Anyway, I've discovered my own ideal height of torture--being rudely awakened every 45 minutes by alarming firecrackers.

But the real point of this post is that whatever law or ordinance says that 'FIREWORKS ARE ILLEGAL IN THE CITY AND COUNTY OF DENVER' is a JOKE!!! Do any of our city council members live in town, and if so, do they stay here for the 4th?! Or do they just live in the tony neighborhoods were they live out the suburban (and currently, my) dream of 'all quiet after 10'?! I have actually called the police before concerning fireworks and been laughed at, as if the situation--and it must be--is entirely out of their control.

When I wasn't being startled or wondering at what point I should try the 'fireworks hotline' I was busy planning my revenge. Although I like to think that I am a respectful person, such torture can drive a sleep-deprived citizen to new heights. How I dread tonight, July 5, when I'll be plotting my vacation for 2009.

???!! (open mouth, speechless)

OMG. Did you hear this? Girls' Pregnancy Pact (Albeit unconfirmed; I'm sure we'll hear more on this.)

WTF?!
Wow, I cannot believe how many things have failed at once here.
Or do they have a smart idea?! As one commenter pointed out, "By the time they enter the workforce, their kids will be in school." Another topic for the future reissue of Free Lunch....

Funny, I just finished Someone Like You by Sarah Dressen last night. This YA (that's library speak for Young Adult) novel talks about a teen who chooses to keep her baby sans father and prepares for motherhood with her best friend. Yeah, right. But that's why we love fiction, right? Oh, wait...it's not fiction anymore.

Hello Pulpit Residents!

Note to Pastors: Crazy crap you say in the pulpit will find its way to You Tube and Cable News. Have you learned nothing from the cops and criminals captured on cellphones and rebroadcast 24/7?

And another thing....Politics do not belong in the pulpit. If non-faith based 501C3s were doing this crap- they would have lost their tax exempt status long ago.

Stupid warning labels.

My wine club shipment arrived via Fed Ex this week. There was a warning that not only did I need to be 21 and sign for the box but they could not deliver if recipient appeared intoxicated. Does Fed Ex think they are so fast that drunks can order the next round?

That is as dumb as say a fertility drug with a warning that you should talk to your doctor if you are or may become pregnant.

WTF

I noticed a new link to "gluten free girl". I appologize for this if one of the crafters has a new alergy to gluten but ... what is with this new craze? And why has one of the crafters jumped on the bandwagon? Gluten-free "food" is disgusting, and dry, and well, disgusting. Again, appologies if there is some new food allergy in the group.

And how did some people start becoming allergic to gluten anyway. Or wheat, or whatever is hip in the allergy world?

And since I'm asking pointed questions, who the heck is Craft-AR? This person has been referenced on a number of occasions now, yet I have no idea who it is. Amazing Peeps sculputre though. I hope she won the prize. That was one inspired production.

Cooking "Light"

Ok, so I just got my second CL in the mail and it has brownies on the cover. Actually, it has brownies on the 'real' cover, as it came wrapped in a advertisements for another magazine, frozen vegetables and canned beans. On the inside were a bunch of recepies made with maple syrup. In what world is this "light"? I guess that the magazine that I need is Eating Light. I don't qualify a 60 calorie reduction in 400 calorie brownies that I wouldn't be eating anyway, eating light.

Needless to say, I won't be renewing my subscription. This is a stupid magazine.

Ruminations

I have not been very inspired to blog lately, and I'm not all that inspired now. I did come across this funny website that I thought the crafters might enjoy.

So, I went to my caucus last night. There goes two hours of my life I'll never get back. Here's my theory of the caucus ... it brings out the democratic party nut-nuts. Guess I'm one of them. I'm very happy to report that I am now solidly in the Hillary camp simply based on the decorum of her supporters. You Obama people are freak shows. I digress. Look at the states that held caucuses vs. those that held primaries. As a very general rule, Obama took the caucuses and Hillary took the primaries. She gets the popular vote, he gets the kooks. The same is true on the Repub side ... Romney/Huckabee took the caucuses. I just thought I'd share my theory. I'm not really that wed to it. It was hatched during my post-caucus drink fest with the other miserable caucus-goers.

Another observation. CNN has the best political website.

I hate the local "news"!

Benazir Bhutto is assassinated and the lynch-pin of the US foreign policy plan (I'm assuming there is one for the sake of assuming), Pakistan, is now on the verge of collapse and the local news leads with the weather, followed by the problems being caused by the snow, followed by the god damned tiger attack that I'm sooooo over.

You know what would really throw our traffic into a tizzy? A nuclear attack. For fuck sake!!!

Grrrrr.

I had a meeting scheduled from 8:00 to 11:00 today that got cancelled at 7:45. This would not be so bad if this didn't happen constantly with this client. For the past 2 months we have had standing meetings twice a week (one for lobbyists, one for the political staff - I'm both) and only 4 were not cancelled, usually with about a day's notice. Since my life is a back-to-back meeting schedule, I schedule around these damned meetings. I just erased them all from my calendar. The fact that I had to get out of bed early for this one was the very last straw. Screw them.

Also, in case you didn't know, Brittney's little sister is pregnant. Our world is being populated by morons.

Dognappers

So the 20-something with a 500 ft condo behind our house left her dog in the yard since at least before the mail arrived yesterday. Around 6pm the dog dug out of his tiny little yard and had run of the overgrown area between our fence and the individual tiny yard fences for all the tiny condo yards.... driving our dogs apeshit. 12 hours later, JB was throwing a dog pillow over the fence and hand feeding him/her hotdogs through the fence. Knocking on doors in the row got no response. So there was fence climbing, notes left on doors and now said dog is at our house hanging with Ms B while the Black Dog Duo are locked in our bedroom (with a Beethoven movie on the TV). And I suppose we are Dognappers. This is so not the relaxing Saturday I had ordered.

Update: So finally talked to the co-worker who was round 3 in dog care and the neighbor (in the mtns). 20-something #1 who was suppose to let the dog in, only looked in the tiny backyard for the dog and when he wasn't there (as he was stuck between that yard and ours)= #1 determined not that the dog might be in harm's way but instead that neighbor must have decided to take dog to the mtns instead. Then 20-something #2 who was suppose to let dog out of the house came over and discovered the dog was not inside (as he was never left inside). He went on with his day. It was round #3 who found our note, called, and was able to coordinate the dog back on the schedule of slacker care. Ms B, Gizmo, & visitor dog hung out for the afternoon with JB while Killer went along with me for my errands. Poor dog was already having a bad weekend, no need to for any territory defending violence. (Ateball, of course, thought is was just awesome to get to go on an extended car ride. She was so pleased, she decided to help drive and put the car in N and Winter mode several times during our travels.) At some point here the actual neighbor called us- in a panic- and thanked us.

But the real lesson here is that DHP rocks and we are so lucky to have her as a dogsitter.

Blogging under your real name

I am trying to fill a vacant position on my team at work. Being the socialist boss that I am, I gather input from my current employee on every candidate even before we offer an interview. She googles each one and has found such tidbits as a stint in the NFL. We have also found 2 candidate's blogs. How would you find said blogs you may be asking? Because they are blogging in their own dang name! This is very bizarre to me. Especially when you are applying for jobs. WTF?

'Sudden Victory'

So Rspe and I went to an Avalanche game tonight. There were cute boys behind us, and no, we didn't go home with any of them. A personal failing. Anyway, the game went into overtime, and then a shoot out. In case anyone is wondering, the Av's won. I digress. When the game went into overtime, also known as 'sudden death', the announcer called it 'sudden victory'. Seriously??? Have we gotten *that* PC? For me it conjures up images of 'Mission Accomplished'. It also seems that hockey no longer includes throwing opponents up against the wall or bloody fights. I don't think I like the new era of sports. Also, the right-wing mofo singer of Ope Gone Bad sang both the Canadian and US national anthems. That never used to happen, both national anthems I mean. And I'm sure it killed him to sing the pacifist nation's national anthem, which I have to admit, made me smile. File this under 'rant'. What happened to blood-sport? Has it simply been left to politics?

Non-legal ID Drivers Licenses to Illegal Immigrants?

Plan to Provide Illegal Immigrants with Driver's Licenses Stirs Debate

I think Tancrazy's wall is truly crazy and I do certainly think we need to find a way to be welcoming to others, but...driver's licenses to illegal immigrants...SERIOUSLY???

EVEN BETTER are the reasons why. "They're driving on our streets so we should be sure they know how to drive." REALLY? Cause they're doing a stellar job of training the legal drivers? REALLY?!?!? OMG!!!

Ahhh, but reason #2 is even BETTER. Terrorism. That's right, getting illegal immigrants to register for a driver's license is a good way to prevent terrorism. Oh, and it's not amnesty, but those who register don't have to worry about being deported (even terrorists...the government just wants to know who they are.)

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...these aren't to be considered legal ID, because, of course, they're issued to illegal immigrants. The police in Tennessee said if the government issues it, it's legal ID, regardless of what it says. So Tennessee didn't do it. Apparently New York doesn't get that concept. Scary when the south makes more sense, huh.

I could go on and on and on and on about this completely George Bush-like insane idea, but I won't, for now...

Argonaut shoppers alert

Don't go to Argonaut on Thursday mornings. I'm not sure if it is just the first Thursday of the month, or Thursday in general, but I went at 10:10 this morning and the joint was filled with nursing home residents. I fully expected to see an RTD shoppers ride out front. I think they cleaned the place out of Cutty Sark. Handle bottles. It took me 15 minutes to check out. I have never seen so many price checks or checks being written at one time. It drove me to the point of insanity and I almost came home and opened freshly purchased bottle of wine. Almost.

Good god.

I'm considering basic cable.
The community in which I grew up is on fire.
I got this catalog in the mail today. Seiously, what did I buy that put me on this list? Zig Zags?