"The state of our union is strong"

I’m anxiously awaiting CLC’s state of the union overview because she is much funnier than I (remember last year’s review?). Here’s what I heard.

Fully fund the war. Balance the budget without raising taxes (I can only assume that means throwing women off welfare, oh and maybe stopping bridges to nowhere, maybe.) Subsidize private health insurance. Block grant public health insurance programs for the most needy. Privatize public education (you know, for the minority children).

Global climate change (not warming, change). Subsidize clean coal (such a thing exists?) and nucular (sic) power, oh, and throw a bone to those hippies who want wind and solar power. Reduce our dependence on oil much slower than the rest of the world (I think he said 20% in 20 years).

September 11th. Terrorist, terrorist, terrorist. Fully fund the war.

Stop AIDS in Africa by giving money to Pharma. (Those fags that get it here deserve to die.) Eliminate global poverty. Those morons who can’t pull themselves up by the bootstraps in the US should just live on the streets. Just look at the black guy in the gallery who is the shining example of who we should be. More gratuitous examples of people who can pull themselves up. Just look again in the gallery, heroes, all of them.

We’ve been through a lot together. (Yeah, it’s called the Bush administration). God bless.