Monday, December 19, 2005

Christmas Post

That’s right, this liberal has not declared a war on Christmas. This year I will raise my George H. Bush cutout, put up my Leon decorations and leave out gin & cheese for my favorite black gay dude (Leon) who brings me presents on Christmas Eve. Leon only rewards bad behavior you know, and this year DenverHotPants has been very, very bad.

What’s that Bill O’Reilly? Doesn’t sound like Christmas to you? Bah!

Here’s a lesson from the Fort Collins girls on the appropriate celebration of Christmas for those who are banished to hell.

1. All decorations should be in honor of Leon (Noel spelled backward). Just turn ‘em around. Nothing fancy here folks.

2. Decorate your George H. Bush cut-out (or other appropriate failed president) with all the ugly gifts given to you in the past years. He can wear that mint green with snowflakes acrylic sweater your grandmother gave you or the hideous gold clip-on ear monstrosities given by your step-mother who clearly doesn’t know you at all. Perfect for George Bush.

3. Gather your friends and get drunk. Eat good cheese, good crackers, all the candy in the house and whatever your favorite meal is.

4. Celebrate the fact that you have been very bad this year.

5. Toast Leon – the gay black Christmas deity who rewards bad behavior. Instead of coming down the chimney, he comes out of the closet. You can leave your fire burning, but be sure to leave him the remaining gin & cheese from your celebration. No pathetic milk and cookies for Leon.

6. Wake up on Christmas morning with a bad hangover, drink a bloody mary and open all your good presents.

That, Mr. O’Reilly is the proper way to celebrate Christmas!

Oh, and another fun holiday at Christmastime is Festivus! A book as been written about it. Add some bitterness to that holiday cheer!!


HotPants01 said...

This sinner just had a serious flashback to festivis 1999 in Ft. Fun with DenverHotPants and the ladies. DOG BLESS LEON!

codown2earth said...

DHP- I looked for LEON/NOEL signs to include in the "check all that apply holiday" event at our house. I came up empty handed in my search (granted it was in the new big belmar whole foods & my neighborhood target- my 2 destinations of the day). You might need to bring your own LEON sign on Sunday. =)