The Return of the Gaucho

This blog comes from DHP's friend, She's2Crafty, with hopes that she may be admitted as a permanent contributor to the blog. She's Too Funny!

I have always managed to keep a straight face when I declare that human reason can prevail and conquer the natural human tendency to repeat the ridiculous blunders and inhumane acts of the past. But just recently my faith and steadfast perseverance took a considerable beating. While innocently browsing the morning paper over Cheerios and a diet Coke, I came across the advertising pages and there it was: front and center of the Foley’s insert, the gaucho, prominently displayed on the cover. A thin, attractive model displaying her sassy finery, sporting the gaucho. How could it be that of all the absurd fashion trends of the past, this was the one to make a comeback?

For those of you still blissfully ignorant of the gaucho, think horse jockey attire meets your mother’s sewing machine circa 1976. Staring in disbelief, I found myself moving quickly through a modified version of the five stages of grief. The first was denial. Surely this was some mistake, or at least an isolated incident. I simply could not believe that the fashion industry or the female shopping constituency could fall for such a cruel joke again.

But this sweet denial was short to be short-lived. I was suddenly struck with a visual imprint that I will never be able to erase from the deepest recesses of my mind. The Wiggles concert. My two-year-old daughter Rachel and I were among the thousands of toddlers and their parents, mostly mothers, who flocked to Magnuss Arena to witness the awesome spectacle of the Wiggles, a foursome from Australia who perform songs and skits for toddlers. In a scene that could only be compared to the Beatles’ debut at Shea Stadium, gaggles of tots from 1 to 6 danced and shrieked in the aisles with wild abandon as their vigilant moms bent over attempting to herd their unruly broods lest they disappear into a sea of Captain FeatherSword hats and pull-ups.

And there it was: first-hand evidence that human reason is all too vulnerable to cruel and unusual fashion trends: G-strings peeked over the tops low-rise jeans and Chinos with impunity. Groundhog’s Day had met Victoria’s Secret and I wondered who was responsible. Perhaps the same anonymous force that is responsible for the creation of “Cheez Whiz” and Lee Press-On Nails.

With bemused resignation, I predicted another six years of searching for pants that wouldn’t either make me resemble an 80 year-old woman with unreasonably large sunglasses or the handyman we had hired to fix the leak under our kitchen sink. Maybe it’s just me, but as a 37 year-old mother of two, I firmly believe that plumber’s cleavage does not need to be a part of my daily life.

Shaken by the flashback, I quickly moved through anger, bargaining,and depression to acceptance. History does in fact repeat itself. I consoled myself with the thought that although the human tendency is torecreate the ridiculous blunders and inhumane acts of the past, all that we can be proud of and love will repeat itself too. After war comes peace, after economic despair comes prosperity, and after the gaucho and low-rise pant will come garments of more fortunate cut that don’t demand a breach of common sense or common decency. I still believe in the power of human reason. I refuse to allow the return of the gaucho to take that away from me.