"My life is much more of a cautionary tale."

Good god, I went to a memorial service drunk. Really drunk. But I digress.

You see it all started out innocently enough. The memorial service was a fabulous tribute to a truly fantastic individual . . . civil rights pioneer and all around good guy. After paying the proper respects DHP and shitsngrins (SNG) attended a number of unrelated parties with free booze, including the life enhancing gray goose. Unfortunately, at that first party, the free eats were all shell fish related, including the cracker DHP had to unceremoniously spit into a napkin while her tongue swelled to the point she slurred her words and had to beeline it to the bar to guzzle soda water, avoiding anaphylactic shock. So, no food was actually consumed.

Back in action, she and shitsngrins (unsuccessfully) attempted to pick up a hottie lawyer (for DHP, of course) and consume a third strong beverage. Unsuccessful with the attorney, DHP did manage to secure an invitation to a rockin St. Patty’s Day party from a married man well into his 70’s. Score!

Wasted, and old enough to know better, DHP and SNG made their way to another work-related party, of which the details are a bit fuzzy. Two more beers and no food consumed the two “ladies” decided to make an appearance at the private home of the deceased (at least they were invited) where family and friends had gathered. Two more beers, some carrot cake and apple pie later, DHP and SNG finally left. Note: SNG was also consuming bevies at the same pace, though her drink of choice was wine.

Feeling confident in her abilities, successful in her performances throughout the evening, and happy to have a drinking partner in crime, DHP left with SNG. That’s when it happened, SNG fell down the cement stairs. (Sorry to out you on this one SNG). This did not phase either lady at the time of impact, but in reviewing the evening in its entirety through a muddled, hangover laden head today, it appears that the trip and fall is likely the physical manifestation of the intoxication during the late stages of the evening. “I got a hang over and a bruised knee!” said SNG this morning.

Oh god. This cannot be good.

At the memorial service, h-dog reminded DHP that if we were ever to get respectful accolades upon our death, we had best step it up a bit. “At this point my life is more a cautionary tale” she said. Profound really. So, here is DHPs cautionary tale of the day. It is now part of the universe in hopes it will never ever be repeated.